My heart is for men who are striving to live for Christ in order to leave a godly legacy for their children. Godly fathers must live boldly to focus on what matters. I encourage fathers to build a godly heritage for their children by focusing on three parts: how you live, what you say, and how you love. I covered the first two in last week’s post “My father, Pops, (part 1).” Here I will address the third: how you love.
A young father shared with me how defeated he felt as a parent because of his own sin. He told a story of disciplining his child out of anger and how he knew that was a sin. He was obviously broken over this. This man is fighting to be a first generation godly father. He’s not perfect, but he is doing a great job. I encouraged him that these are often our most potent opportunities to repent and seek forgiveness from our children while we maintain the responsibility to continue loving them through our discipline. I learned this from my parents who demonstrated this kind of boldness in life. They led in pursuing forgiveness from repentance when they were under conviction. What great grace for a child to experience the gospel through a father’s loving practice.
How You Love
My father’s primary practice of love was two-fold: what he taught and how he trained. This is a more full understanding of godly discipline to me. I was taught the law and trained in grace. There was never a moment of confusion in my mind regarding what I was supposed to do, what was right, or what he expected. My father was always clear in this way. He was not harsh, vindictive, or abusive. He was faithful to Deuteronomy 6, to teach God’s holy law from a loving relationship. The importance of clarity cannot be over-stated. The law clarifies in our heart God’s perfect standard and our imperfect ability. When I disobeyed I experienced grace through corrective discipline and relational love. I could talk about this all day long, but it would never compare to what I felt when I received it.
Law and gospel go together. God put them together in the Bible and commanded fathers to lead their homes in this same pattern or discipline. This practice models God’s character as holy and loving, just and merciful. Law must be taught. It establishes clear and defined boundaries. Without the law there is no awareness of sin or need for a Savior. The more one understands the law the greater their comprehension of all Christ has accomplished in the gospel. God gave the law, so we can experience grace through Jesus Christ. This means the gospel must be trained. Defining forgiveness and cleansing from sin is no substitute for receiving the same. The gospel directs us to Jesus the Savior who rescues us from the weight of our condemnation. There is no substitute for knowing the law and experiencing grace through the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Dad, be wise and bold. Love your children by teaching them the law and training them in the gospel. Kids keep what they catch more than they remember what they are told. The gospel redeems all things for good and glory. Know what is filling your kid’s heart. Say “no” to the myriad of competitors that will one day be predators against godliness. Stop trying to give your kids everything you had and didn’t have. Your example says that those things matter, regardless the cost. Resist the temptation to ask, “What harm can this cause?” Ask instead, “What blessing will this build?”
Other Posts in the Godly Fathers Series
November 28, 2012
Lane, JoAnn forwarded these 2 posts on godly fathers. They are so good and so true. I have sent them on to Brad and Derek. There is so much turmoil in Brad’s life and he second guesses his leadership though the boys say how much they love him. I have also sent this on to a friend, Brian, whose spiritual birthday was Nov. 15 – 13 days ago. He is a first generation father to his 2 boys. They loved the first part and now this one. Bless you and the work you and Christin do.