I sat in our elders’ meeting last night and was struck by a deep encouragement. We invest the first part of our time in prayer for one another and needs within the church. The theme of last night’s requests was obvious; our hearts were heavy as fathers. Each of us shared specific struggles we are dealing with in our homes. When the second person began to share their request, knowing my own, the question crossed my mind, “I wonder if this will be a theme for tonight?” When the third person began to share, it was confirmed.
When I arrived home last night after the meeting, it was late. My mind struggled to shut down for sleep, as is often the case. This issue has been on my heart now for a number of months. God has been challenging and encouraging me regarding fathers in our church. I determined that today I would spend some time praying, thinking, reading, and meditating more on it. My plan is to write a blog series on fathers to capture my thoughts.
I begin with some personal reflections the Spirit impressed upon me as we shared and prayed. These are my reflections and not descriptors of our elder’s requests. God is gracious to demonstrate godliness among our elders, especially in regard to fatherhood.
Godly fathers are quick, aggressive, and relentless to repent of personal sin, and they lead their families in the same. We are not perfect. We are the leaders of our homes. Of first importance for every husband and father is to live in complete dependence upon Christ. Our true strength to lead resides in personal humility and weakness before God.
Godly fathers watch where their children are heading, not just where they are walking. We are building a heritage of godliness. Our eyes constantly watch over their steps and the trajectory of their lives. Before our children see their future, a godly father has made plans and led them to follow Jesus faithfully every day of their lives. We cannot control our children as they become adults and should not seek to do this. We can fill their hearts with Jesus and the beauty and glory of his grace so that he is the choice reward of their lives.
Godly fathers give first energy to build strong relationships with their children and faithfully shepherd them. A great challenge for a father, or any parent, is to feel as though you rightly love the child that is least like you. Your heart feels no less joy in this child, but natural relational connections are not as easily evident. We are careful to watch for the opposite as well. We can be tempted to believe we have a better relationship with our child that is most like us and neglect to intentionally build a deeper relationship. Fathers never stop pursuing their children, cultivating, and growing a strong relationship in every area of life.
Godly fathers look toward the heart of their child to fight sin and nurture righteousness at the earliest ages. In a culture that worships children, this can be a great challenge. Nothing is more natural than love for our children. Nothing is more difficult than to see their sinful nature, especially when we see our sin in them. A father must be brave and courageous to discipline and train their child to know and fight sin. At the youngest ages a father must fight for the child. Throughout life the father models this fight as he leads in it. In all of life a pattern of disciplined teaching, rebuke, correction, and training in righteousness is vital. Repentance must be embraced as a path to living in the full joy of righteousness.
Godly fathers recognize and live with an awareness of past and generational sins that influence their present relationships. The greatest grace a father can give to their child is to lead them around the heaviest hardships of life. Nothing causes greater grief and struggle than unaddressed sin. A humble father lives in repentance of past and generational sin that threatens to curse his child’s future. He fights to redeem the full measure and implication of the curse in this life.
Godly fathers shepherd their child’s heart to know God without pressure or presumption to move them forward too quickly in spiritual growth and development. There is no small pressure on parents to produce perfect children. We are too quick to wrap our identity and worth into our children. We feel this is for their best, but in reality it curses them to live under a pressure to perform in order to make us feel better. Godliness releases us to release our children into God’s care and to shepherd them in full trust of the power of his grace and love.
Godly fathers are broken and weep over their children’s struggles, but they never stop doing all they can to help. We work for our children to grow up absent of as much heartache, disappointment, and pain as possible. Yet we know the world is full of it. The reality that our children will suffer in this life, to any degree, is painful. It is heavy and burdensome to see it and not be able to stop it. Our insufficiency is most evident in our lack of ability to stop the suffering and make everything right. Godly fathers remember that we are not without hope and that Jesus heals brokenness. We strive to fill our children’s hearts with so much of Jesus’ beauty and glory that hope shines brightest.
The real reason our Elder Table is so strong is best demonstrated when our wives gather for prayer and fellowship. We are not fools. We all married over our heads and are fully aware of this fact. (Can you see my giant smile right now?) God is good in this way, as in every way.
Other Posts in the Godly Fathers Series